A Leaf on The Tree

On February 16, the night before the Love Like You Mean It cruise ended, Juli and I stayed up late with hundreds of other couples to renew our marriage vows to one another under the stars off the coast of Florida. There was a huge wedding cake, and a really cool (pun alert) ice sculpture melting in the warm night air. David Robbins, the new head of Family Life Today spoke vows for all of us to repeat and Juli and I looked into each others eyes saying words deeper in meaning to us after nearly 38 years than they did the first time. Especially the part "in sickness and in health." The next day we would disembark from that floating conveyance of beauty to distant land and seascapes, to enter an aluminum tube racing along at 35,000 feet returning us to the harsh reality of cancer appointments and the start of chemo. The first appointment on return was on February 22 and this one was big. To this point, it seemed that every appointment had brought another dose of harsh realit...

Regarding the side effects of my Lupron injection, to this point I was beginning to feel hot flashes on occasion. I was also a little queasy, but I couldn't be sure that the boat was not part of that. At one point, the boat was traveling through 57 knot winds and the sea was quite bumpy. Even though the ship was very stable, it was pretty obvious we were on a ship on the ocean as lights would sway and we walked pretty funny down hallways. We kept the room as cold as it would go and I often threw the covers off to dry the sweat, then cool off enough to wrap up again. Juli was effected enough on the day it was roughest to know she wouldn't be able to keep food down, so we applied a motion sickness patch we'd brought from home behind her ear and within 15 minutes she felt great. We are really hoping that the sweats, queasy stomach and headaches are worth it, but we will not know until after the cruise when I go in for an appointment on the 22nd of February. The end of the fo...

Juli and I were introduced to a young couple many months ago as Family Life Today would occasionally reach out to us to offer prayer and encouragement as well as keep us up to date on the ministry. On one of the first occasions I happened to be in China when my phone rang and it was Billy. It was pretty cool to be in a land where I knew virtually no one and also couldn't understand the language only to have a Christian brother from my own country call and ask if he could pray with me. Months later, Juli and I were walking in the door of our home after just having the diagnosis of Cancer confirmed when my phone rang and it was Billy. God is so good to use people to remind us of His care and love for us. As we talked about the fact we had signed up for the cruise, and now were unsure what would happen, Billy prayed with us and said to please keep him informed. Billy and his wife Rebecca were planning to be on the cruise as well, so he said "we are really hoping to meet yo...

A year ago, when the only thing Juli and I had to worry about was whether or not our business would become a strong and healthy source of income for us or if it would drain every penny, demand that we borrow money to keep it alive, then kick us when we dropped to the ground exhausted. You know, the good old days before Cancer. Juli and I have supported Family Life Today for many years and believe in their efforts to help marriages and families thrive. One of the things they do to celebrate marriage is sponsor a cruise to the Bahamas every year for married couples only, called The Love Like You Mean It Cruise. They take over the ship 100% every year and it includes Christian speakers and entertainment. Search #llymicruise on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter and check out all the pictures people have posted. I'm pretty cheap. It is really hard for me to commit to spending money on vacations, especially since I am alone in operating our company. To leave is a challenge since ...

Warning: There is no delicate way to discuss the subject of this post! Back in the old days when I was learning about prostate cancer and its remedies, I thought I heard the doctor say that the best method of control was chemical castration. Now I don't know about you, but those words scared me worse than the sound of latex gloves being snapped into place! Apparently, somebody experimenting on mice with prostate cancer learned that their condition improved significantly if their mouse marbles were cut off. I mean sure, they can SAY that, but did anyone ask Mr Mouse if he felt his "condition was improved" sans his pouch pebbles ? How do experimenters dream this stuff up? And who was the first man to volunteer for the trial? One day a drug company run by women invented a drug (Lupron) that could be given to men to make them have hot flashes, experience fatigue, and be moody  (Censored by the editor) so women everywhere could say "See? See how hard it is being ...

People who are sick want to be healed. Or do they? I was made aware of a man named Paisios of Mt. Athos who is said to have prayed for cancer so that he would be able to better minister to those who suffered from cancer. I admit, I did not pray for cancer, but it does bring up the question about the purpose of cancer in my life. I may not have asked for it, but now that I have it, how can it be used for the glory of God? How can I be used for the glory of God? Why would a person with cancer listen to a person who is in perfect health describe how good God is? Well He IS good, so will I now have more credibility discussing that goodness to others who suffer? This brings up another question, should I pray to be healed? If God chose to heal me - and He need only say the word - would my healing glorify Him? Or would my healing say to those who continue to suffer that they were somehow not good enough compared to me?  Or that God cares more about me than He does about them...

On January 10 of 2018, Juli and I arrived at the UC Davis Urology Clinic in Sacramento for my first appointment. Anticipation was high for the chance to begin treatments, to begin attacking this disease that was threatening my mind and body. As we were taken to an exam room, we soon learned that many of the medical documents from Yuba City had not arrived, and our Doctor was going to be flying a little bit blind. No matter. It was soon made obvious that I should have been referred to Medical Oncology, not Urology. It comes down to the simple fact that Urology does surgery, Oncology fights the long term battles. The doctor was however very well-informed and educated, actually a member of a team that includes the oncologists, and he expedited a referral and subsequent appointment across the street at the Cancer Center. He also spent time explaining to us the goals and side-effects of the standards of care. Number one was the Androgen Deprivation Therapy treatments mentioned in an ear...

When a person is under a lot of pressure, or experiencing pain, trauma, or emotional stress, the mind does not always want to respond with clarity of thought. The heart is racing, the thoughts are frightening, and the lack of control over outside circumstances reduces prayer to simple cries for help. Orthodox Christians teach a simple prayer intended to help recenter the mind to an accurate understanding of our position before God as sinful human beings and His power to forgive us through His son Jesus. It is more than 1500 years old and it goes like this: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, Have mercy on me a sinner." As I arrived for my scan appointments at the hospital the day after Christmas 2017 I was apprehensive about what the scans would reveal. Prostate cancer really likes to spread to the bone. If that was my case, it would confirm a stage 4 diagnosis, considered an end stage of cancer. What would that mean? How long could I survive and what would my quality of li...

On December 5th of 2017 Juli and I went to meet Dr Wang for another physical exam. It was with a certain amount of dread that we walked in together, hand in hand. No matter how we tried to explain the possibilities, there seemed to be no way around a PSA number of 26.1 that did not include a cancer diagnosis. Clues were spoken but cancer was never explicitly stated as the probable cause. Nobody wanted to say the word until the results of a biopsy made it a fact. Without calling it what it is, one doctor said "I've seen some good outcomes even with a number this high." That certainly had an ominous opposite implication. With the DRE performed by the urologist came a quick and decisive opinion that there is a tumor on the prostate that felt like it had spread beyond the prostate. That would not be confirmed without further tests but the hope was that it was contained within the prostate itself. The reason we hoped for containment is that prostate cancer limited to the p...

I am often asked by men (and women) what it was that caused me to get checked out and eventually diagnosed with cancer. That's a fair question, and could literally mean life or death for some men. It's been said that every man will eventually have Prostate Cancer if they live long enough. It is a relatively slow-growing cancer that in older men may not even be treated because it won't be the eventual cause of death. That information might be comforting, but it also might be life-threatening if the type of prostate cancer you get is not the slow-growing type but rather an aggressive type. Unfortunately for those of us in that category, our cancer goes undetected and untreated until it is too late to be cured. In my case, I have been a pretty healthy guy who avoids doctors as if they are the cause of illness rather than the carriers of cures . Many years ago I had a physical where I endured my first DRE. Digital Rectal Exam. I wish that meant they used a computer program...

The title "A Leaf on the Tree" for this cancer-update blog comes from Revelation 22 in the Bible. It comes from a beautiful description of the tree of life, a tree that receives its water from the very throne of God. The tree "bears fruit" regularly and "the  leaves  of the tree are for the healing of the nations."  Leaves are a critical part of the health of our planet. Leaves provide oxygen. They eliminate impurity and give people the ability to breathe pure air. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. I believe that Jesus intended this metaphor to describe the healing purpose of His followers. We have a limited amount of life - a limited cycle on the tree as we are born, live our lives for His purpose, and then die in a blaze of color having completed our purpose.  Psalm 139 reminds  that "all the days ordained for me were written in His book before one of them came to be." So while alive, my purpose is to drink deeply of the water of life and allow the...