10. Rocking the Boat at the Third Hour

Regarding the side effects of my Lupron injection, to this point I was beginning to feel hot flashes on occasion. I was also a little queasy, but I couldn't be sure that the boat was not part of that. At one point, the boat was traveling through 57 knot winds and the sea was quite bumpy. Even though the ship was very stable, it was pretty obvious we were on a ship on the ocean as lights would sway and we walked pretty funny down hallways. We kept the room as cold as it would go and I often threw the covers off to dry the sweat, then cool off enough to wrap up again. Juli was effected enough on the day it was roughest to know she wouldn't be able to keep food down, so we applied a motion sickness patch we'd brought from home behind her ear and within 15 minutes she felt great.

We are really hoping that the sweats, queasy stomach and headaches are worth it, but we will not know until after the cruise when I go in for an appointment on the 22nd of February. The end of the following week on March 2, I am scheduled to begin chemotherapy but the doctor wants to know if the first injection has caused the PSA to trend downward. If it is in fact trending down it will be a very positive sign that the cancer cells are of a type that will respond to that treatment. If not, it means we have to try something else, and it likely means my life will be shorter.

We went to dinner and enjoyed a wonderful evening of conversation with Rogers and Sylvia. We talked about everything from their history to their ministry, and they asked about us and how we were dealing with the fears and concerns about my cancer. We also talked a lot about faith, what we believed, what God has taught us and is teaching us about Himself. One of the things I have always said is that while I know what I believe is true, I also know that I do not know everything, so my desire is always to relinquish my beliefs as God reveals what is actually true to me. It is good to know how little one knows.

An analogy came to me as we were talking and eating and the ship was shifting and rocking around: If we were at a convention of some kind at a hotel, we would be eating in a similar restaurant, sleeping in a similar bed, and listening to similar speakers and performers. Yet the thing that made this really fun and enjoyable was the constant subtle reminder that we were on a ship at sea! With every rock or jolt, we were reminded that at any moment, we could walk 20 paces left or right and see the ocean, moon or sun, waves with foam swirling around... so much more special than looking out a hotel window at neighboring hotels or a sunset blocked by an overpass.

It occurred to me that planned prayers are something like that. For years I have created appointments in my google calendar out of bible passages. Meaningful reminders that I set as repeating appointments such as the one that comes through every Tuesday at 6PM that says:

"For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him." II Chronicles 16:9.

My thoughts have been properly re-centered around God many times over the years as one of those appointments would pop up at a time when I was drifting in thought or habit. I have heard it said that when Orthodox Christians pray their prescribed prayers at the 3rd hour, the 6th hour, and so on, they are losing spontaneity in their prayer life.

But I think what really happens is that whenever that 3rd hour arrives and he or she is reminded to turn their mind back toward prayer, it is like eating dinner in a beautiful restaurant, and the entire restaurant rocks left and then right, the lights sway and the water in your glass shimmers, and you are reminded that the beauty of the ocean depths are a turn of your head away.