7. An Asterisk on my Man Card
Warning: There is no delicate way to discuss the subject of this post!
Back in the old days when I was learning about prostate cancer and its remedies, I thought I heard the doctor say that the best method of control was chemical castration. Now I don't know about you, but those words scared me worse than the sound of latex gloves being snapped into place!
Apparently, somebody experimenting on mice with prostate cancer learned that their condition improved significantly if their mouse marbles were cut off. I mean sure, they can SAY that, but did anyone ask Mr Mouse if he felt his "condition was improved" sans his pouch pebbles?
How do experimenters dream this stuff up? And who was the first man to volunteer for the trial?
One day a drug company run by women invented a drug (Lupron) that could be given to men to make them have hot flashes, experience fatigue,and be moody (Censored by the editor) so women everywhere could say "See? See how hard it is being a woman?" Sources say the man happened to have prostate cancer and everyone was surprised that the drug the women had invented proved to be affective in reducing his PSA count. Somebody deduced that maybe the coconut could remain on the tree after all as long as it wore a type of chemical cloaking device that kept the rest of the tree from knowing it was even there.
Drug trials were begun with no shortage of volunteers considering the alternative option. And from that point on, men undergoing Stage 4 Prostate Cancer treatments were losing all the testosterone in their bodies while simultaneously experiencing increases in voice octave range as well as a newfound understanding of the differences between mauve, chartreuse, and rose.
When my oncologist (a female) suggested the Lupron injections begin immediately, I was a little suspicious.
My appointment for the first injection came on January 22, 2018. The woman (see?) who administers the shot warned me to make sure I had eaten breakfast before coming in for the shot because she didn't want to see me faint. I asked her where the injection site of the shot would be, and I mean I was REALLY dreading her answer, but she said right in the tush. I thought it might be, you know, there and I was going to faint, breakfast or no! When we arrived, we were taken back fairly quickly by a male nurse who went to "mix" the injection while we waited in the exam room. They don't prepare the shot in advance in case the patient fails to show. Maybe in the old days, they injected the Lupron, you know, there, and patients would rarely show up? Anyway, at $13,000 or more a shot, they don't like to waste it.
The shot itself wasn't terrible, but the nurse told me I had to wait in the waiting area after the shot for at least 15 minutes to make sure I don't die. So Juli and I waited in the waiting area with a bunch of other men, some knitting, others reading romance novels, while I waited to keel over. Juli kept asking me how I felt, but as yet I was unable to really get in touch with my feelings. I think she meant "do you feel like keeling over?" but I was also continuing to suffer from the manly inability to understand her.
I suppose with the Emergency Room right across the street, they must think there is a chance of reviving someone who keels over but when the stopwatch hit 15 minutes, Juli and I started walking toward the elevators.
As we crossed the skybridge from the South wing to the North wing, I began to sing as high as I could, although quietly. I really did. Juli laughed with me as we began a journey into the unknown world of testosteronelessness together. We knew the side effects might develop slowly because I had been given a prescription for a drug that suppresses an initial surge of testosterone production, commonly occurring immediately after a Lupron injection.
It is raining outside as I write this. Feels like a great day to watch Hallmark Movies.
Back in the old days when I was learning about prostate cancer and its remedies, I thought I heard the doctor say that the best method of control was chemical castration. Now I don't know about you, but those words scared me worse than the sound of latex gloves being snapped into place!
Apparently, somebody experimenting on mice with prostate cancer learned that their condition improved significantly if their mouse marbles were cut off. I mean sure, they can SAY that, but did anyone ask Mr Mouse if he felt his "condition was improved" sans his pouch pebbles?
How do experimenters dream this stuff up? And who was the first man to volunteer for the trial?
One day a drug company run by women invented a drug (Lupron) that could be given to men to make them have hot flashes, experience fatigue,
Drug trials were begun with no shortage of volunteers considering the alternative option. And from that point on, men undergoing Stage 4 Prostate Cancer treatments were losing all the testosterone in their bodies while simultaneously experiencing increases in voice octave range as well as a newfound understanding of the differences between mauve, chartreuse, and rose.
When my oncologist (a female) suggested the Lupron injections begin immediately, I was a little suspicious.
My appointment for the first injection came on January 22, 2018. The woman (see?) who administers the shot warned me to make sure I had eaten breakfast before coming in for the shot because she didn't want to see me faint. I asked her where the injection site of the shot would be, and I mean I was REALLY dreading her answer, but she said right in the tush. I thought it might be, you know, there and I was going to faint, breakfast or no! When we arrived, we were taken back fairly quickly by a male nurse who went to "mix" the injection while we waited in the exam room. They don't prepare the shot in advance in case the patient fails to show. Maybe in the old days, they injected the Lupron, you know, there, and patients would rarely show up? Anyway, at $13,000 or more a shot, they don't like to waste it.
The shot itself wasn't terrible, but the nurse told me I had to wait in the waiting area after the shot for at least 15 minutes to make sure I don't die. So Juli and I waited in the waiting area with a bunch of other men, some knitting, others reading romance novels, while I waited to keel over. Juli kept asking me how I felt, but as yet I was unable to really get in touch with my feelings. I think she meant "do you feel like keeling over?" but I was also continuing to suffer from the manly inability to understand her.
I suppose with the Emergency Room right across the street, they must think there is a chance of reviving someone who keels over but when the stopwatch hit 15 minutes, Juli and I started walking toward the elevators.
As we crossed the skybridge from the South wing to the North wing, I began to sing as high as I could, although quietly. I really did. Juli laughed with me as we began a journey into the unknown world of testosteronelessness together. We knew the side effects might develop slowly because I had been given a prescription for a drug that suppresses an initial surge of testosterone production, commonly occurring immediately after a Lupron injection.
It is raining outside as I write this. Feels like a great day to watch Hallmark Movies.
Dan--adding you, your wife and family to our prayer list. You and Juli both have a great godly attitude.
ReplyDeleteOkay, in an attempt to lighten your day: When I worked as a church secretary and when desktop computers were becoming mainstream, the church bought a used computer. The previous owner of said computer had two little kids and I discovered the mouse had been dragged through a puddle or two of kool aid and was sticky.
I tried taking it apart and washed the ball and mouse interior. No luck. I finally tossed the ball. I figured kids steal them from the high school computers all of the time--can't be that hard to replace, right?
So, yes--I was called Burns stores and seriously asked if they sold "mouse balls".