30. Hot and Hairy.

When Saint Laurence was grilled by the authorities regarding the whereabouts of the "treasures of the church" he asked for 3 days time to prepare them. Of course, those authorities were drooling over the idea of confiscating gold and silver while sticking it to the Christian church.

Laurence arrived 3 days later before the Prefect with a crowd he had gathered of poor and needy people and declared: "Behold the treasures of the church!" The Prefect was really mad.

The Prefect was so mad that he first had Laurence stretched out on a rack, then he had him scourged with "scorpions" - a whip furnished with sharp iron points - then had him stretched out on a red-hot iron grill. After his body was badly burned Laurence said, "My body is done on one side, turn me over on the other." When that had been completed he declared "My flesh is now well done, you may taste of it." As he gave up his spirit, he prayed for his slayers. The date was August 10, 258.

Isn't perspective a great thing? As an employee for a very large corporation I endured religious persecution on several occasions, often under the threat of being fired. But not once was my life threatened. Not once was I arrested. Never was there the slightest hint that I might be stretched out on a torture rack, tenderized like a tough steak, then barbecued on a hot grill before dying.

These Christians from an earlier age were made of something special. Or were they? Maybe we are ALL made of the same stuff if we were to live the same way they did? Worship the way they did? Sacrifice self the way they did?

I was working in our warehouse this week and listening to some classic music shuffled on my iPod - yes, it was a classic iPod - and a song came on that I have always loved. The lyrics really struck me this time though. I looked them up to share with you. It is from the song "Let the Kingdom Come" from White Heart:

I'm layin' down my crown
Yes, I'm layin down my crown
Lord, I'm layin' it down

And praying let Your will be done

Lord, I'm layin' down my crown

To let the Kingdom come

'Cause I'm so tired and weary

Yes, I'm so tired and weary

Lord, I'm weary and hurtin'

From the back breaking burden of my crown

My soul is born weary

Oh, let the Kingdom come

Well, I crowned myself king

Yeah, I crowned myself king

But I didn't see the trouble

The heartache and the sorrow it would bring, oh

Now I'm broken and weary

And lookin' for my King

King of Glory, enter in

And sear my heart with love's burning flame

Oh, let Your will be done

O Lord, let the Kingdom come

Sear my heart with love's burning flame? I'd say that St. Laurence certainly allowed that at a different level than what has been required of me. And the "back breaking burden of my crown?" St. Laurence had not "crowned himself king," but had rather bowed at the feet of the true king, even to his death.

So I have cancer. Big deal. If this is the life required of me, I give it gladly. And to this point my journey - the crown I lay down -  has really not been that hard. My last chemo treatment was on June 15th and the period of aftereffect was basically completed on July 4th - a special Independence Day of sorts for Juli and I. The reality hit us even harder on July 6th, as that would have been the next round of chemo had the treatments been extended.

On the 12th of July I went to UC Davis for another appointment to evaluate the treatments and look to the future. My blood-work showed that I was still going to be struggling to regain my energy, but my PSA count was at 0.1, a number that showed the treatments have been effective. At this point, the doctor said we would just meet quarterly along with continued quarterly Lupron injections and check my PSA on that same schedule. In addition, I was told that after a period of stability, I may take a Lupron "vacation," something that would be welcome but a bit nerve-racking. Welcome in that I have been suffering from frequent hot-flashes, sometimes multiple times an hour. Nerve-racking in that a rise in PSA would indicate the end of the vacation, so I would be nervous with every test.

With the end of chemo treatments I have begun to let my hair grow back, beginning on July 1. It has been hilarious to have my grandkids request that I bend down so they can touch and rub my hair. We took a vacation at the end of July for a family reunion and it was special to spend every day for a week with those kids as well as with their parents and extended family.

We were at a lake in Oregon and it was exceptionally warm there, but I was unwilling to swim due to the continued danger of infection under my fingernails as they try to recover from neuropathy damage. One fingernail has been lost and the rest vary from 60% damage to 20% damage. My toenails did not seem to be affected. I'm lucky. One of my friends lost all his fingernails as well as all his toenails. I had one round of antibiotics earlier to fight infection under one nail that had survived, so I did not want to test the odds. As a result, I periodically soaked my tee-shirt in cold mountain water and wore it until it dried out. Rinse, repeat. We had enough grandparent coverage that it was nearly a one-to-one ratio with the grandkids, so there was time to read during naps, or enjoy conversation with adults and children alike.

God is so good. He told us his burden is light. I suspect St. Laurence was able to feel the love of God throughout his final days including through the torture of evil men who were out of control. I am willing to follow that kind of selflessness, at least I want to be willing. Yet I hope to see these grandkids grow up, as in a particularly poignant moment, my grandson Wyatt had told his mom that he wanted me to know him as an adult.

I do too, Wyatt. I do too.