26. A Quick update. Or is it a Fast Update?
I'm not as fat today as I was a week ago. The last 4 days have included a water-only fast, and a chemo infusion that did not include an anti-nausea steroid for the first time. Juli and I have had quite a bit of apprehension as I began the fast last Tuesday morning because we were aware that the fast would include headaches from caffein withdrawal, and some unknown side effects unique to my own body since I have never successfully fasted.
When I was a young man of about 22, I was aware of the religious value of fasting. The bible talks about fasting and praying in many places and indeed the Orthodox church has had fasting rules in place for two thousand years including a 40 day fast at Lent, a regular fast 2 times every week, and multiple other fasts throughout the year for the Nativity, Apostles, Dormition, and others. Orthodox fasts however are abstentions from certain foods like dairy or oil.
What I had attempted was a water-only fast and it did not end well. I don't remember if I was trying to go more than one day or not but I had a massive headache right away from caffeine withdrawal. The next morning before going to work my headache was still there and using the vast medical knowledge I had accumulated as a 22 year old, I took some pills to help with the headache. On an empty stomach. Man, that was a bad idea. I was immediately nauseated, threw up what little was there, and called in sick since I could only groan and wonder how you were supposed to effectively do the "pray" part of "fast and pray" when all you could utter was "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God." While calling on God with a minimum of words is seriously an excellent way to recenter your mind on Him, I don't think my method was the best way to force the prayer. As some friends of mine like to say: "Stupid should hurt."
So with that personal history you can imagine my concern. At least this time I was armed with the knowledge that first day headaches are common and to be expected, especially if one enjoys coffee as I do and others had reported the same effect in the reports and studies we read in preparation. I decided that I would tough it out and I did.
I had reduced the coffee intake on Monday and began the fast for real on Tuesday morning after drinking a fruit smoothie that Juli makes for me, made mostly from salad I think. A headache had already begun on Monday afternoon from the reduced caffeine and it carried over all day Tuesday and into Wednesday. It seemed to be better by Wednesday night and by Thursday morning was virtually absent. I didn't even think about touching the Advil bottle!
Other side effects that were expected were the dizziness and lightheadedness that comes from changes to body chemistry as it finishes off the emergency glucose supply and begins to feed off fat and the cells in my body undeserving of continued life. A friend suggested that the lightheadedness might be from brain cells being the most obvious place to find cells undeserving of continued life...
Hunger was obviously attempting to grab my attention and derail the plan. I was filling my water bottle from the dispenser and I spied four brand new unopened jars of marinara on the counter that had just arrived from the grocery store. I had a vision of putting down my water, opening a jar of marinara, and drinking it straight! Later I was letting the dogs back in the house after doing their business and since they always get a treat after such spectacular behavior, I walked over to the bone jar to grab a couple bones. As both dogs sat and looked up to me with their beautiful eyes as if I was the source of all joy in their world, I contemplated sampling the bones myself.
And the dreams. On Wednesday night I found myself in a theater watching a movie and began eating a muffin. With my mouth full of muffin, I suddenly realized that I am fasting and what am I doing chewing on a muffin? I jumped out of my theater seat, went over to a garbage can and peeled every last crumb out of my mouth with a finger. On Thursday night I found myself at the Sonic drive-up window. On foot. I remember ordering one of their delicious hamburgers that they make using big square pieces of thick toast rather than buns. I took a big bite out of it and again realized I'm supposed to be fasting. I ran over to the flowerbeds along the edge of the parking area and spit it out. No refund either.
Thursday was Ashlee and Brett's birthday and Juli made a birthday cake for Brett since he is here with us. I worked on my computer in the living room while she mixed it up in the kitchen. I could smell the batter. It smelled amazing. Friday was infusion day and my daughter Stephanie wanted to go to the appointment with me as my support person. She drove up Thursday night with my oldest granddaughter McKinlay. In the morning, they made cinnamon toast. Pure torture. I've not really had hunger pains since Wednesday morning, but that doesn't change all the glorious memories of eating food or the present stimulations of scents.
One of our major concerns we had was the anti-nausea steroid they give prior to the chemo infusion. According to the studies performed around cancer cells, their reaction to the steroids, and the reduction of the effectiveness of the fast, it was indicated that the steroids should be deleted from the treatment plan. Generally speaking, I have not had a bad experience with chemo and I was not excited about deciding to invite nausea into my experience. While the fasting is supposed to significantly reduce the side effects of chemo, would that include post infusion nausea?
We were given permission by the doctor to delete the steroids if we wished, and we finally decided to do just that. When Stephanie and I arrived at the infusion center I was trying not to waver as I informed the nurse about the plan change. He confirmed the Dr had okayed the change and as one of the most experienced nurses on the floor proceeded to ask me why because he was seriously interested. With only a week of study on the subject in my brain, and that brain being drained of unproductive cells as referred to earlier, I was hoping what I said was coherent. He actually affirmed my understanding of the steroids and was obviously watching me closely during the infusion to see if the lack of steroids was going to change my experience. Was I going to get sick?
Well, I didn't. I'm kind of in shock really. They have told me with each infusion that the steroids really only help with the nausea for about twelve hours and then I have three different kinds of nausea medication I can take as needed. I haven't needed more than one pill since the very first and I am happy to say that the twelve hour mark came and went with no nausea! Wow. Maybe there really is something to this fasting and I'm not crazy for trying it.
The fast needs to continue for 24 to 48 hours after the infusion to allow the chemo to finish its course so I will be able to begin eating again tomorrow morning. Less than one more day! Last night Juli made a wonderful pasta and meatball meal with green beans and salad for Brett, McKinlay, Stephanie, and herself. Afterwards they cut up an ice cream birthday cake that she had gotten for Ashlee and Brett. Ashlee and her husband and daughter were supposed to be here for the occasion but sickness stopped them since they are being very careful about exposing me. We were sad they couldn't be here, and I was sad I couldn't eat meatballs and ice cream cake. Instead I made my own dessert. Hot water. I pretended it was coffee, albeit a tad weak. There are only so many ways you can prepare water.
I don't think I was tempting myself, but it must be said that since scent is such a large part of enjoying food, it wouldn't hurt my fast to smell the food. Oh. My. I buried my face in the meatball pot to breathe in the smell. I'd exhale away from the food and repeat. It was glorious.
Isn't it interesting that practices communicated by divine revelation from God to God-fearing men of ancient history has such incredible health value? They didn't understand that, but they have enjoyed the health benefits of the practice through obedience for thousands of years without being aware of the science. I am thankful today for one more weapon intended to cripple the cancer that even now is plotting revenge.
 |
| The Glorious Scent of Italian meatballs |
When I was a young man of about 22, I was aware of the religious value of fasting. The bible talks about fasting and praying in many places and indeed the Orthodox church has had fasting rules in place for two thousand years including a 40 day fast at Lent, a regular fast 2 times every week, and multiple other fasts throughout the year for the Nativity, Apostles, Dormition, and others. Orthodox fasts however are abstentions from certain foods like dairy or oil.
What I had attempted was a water-only fast and it did not end well. I don't remember if I was trying to go more than one day or not but I had a massive headache right away from caffeine withdrawal. The next morning before going to work my headache was still there and using the vast medical knowledge I had accumulated as a 22 year old, I took some pills to help with the headache. On an empty stomach. Man, that was a bad idea. I was immediately nauseated, threw up what little was there, and called in sick since I could only groan and wonder how you were supposed to effectively do the "pray" part of "fast and pray" when all you could utter was "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God." While calling on God with a minimum of words is seriously an excellent way to recenter your mind on Him, I don't think my method was the best way to force the prayer. As some friends of mine like to say: "Stupid should hurt."
So with that personal history you can imagine my concern. At least this time I was armed with the knowledge that first day headaches are common and to be expected, especially if one enjoys coffee as I do and others had reported the same effect in the reports and studies we read in preparation. I decided that I would tough it out and I did.
I had reduced the coffee intake on Monday and began the fast for real on Tuesday morning after drinking a fruit smoothie that Juli makes for me, made mostly from salad I think. A headache had already begun on Monday afternoon from the reduced caffeine and it carried over all day Tuesday and into Wednesday. It seemed to be better by Wednesday night and by Thursday morning was virtually absent. I didn't even think about touching the Advil bottle!
Other side effects that were expected were the dizziness and lightheadedness that comes from changes to body chemistry as it finishes off the emergency glucose supply and begins to feed off fat and the cells in my body undeserving of continued life. A friend suggested that the lightheadedness might be from brain cells being the most obvious place to find cells undeserving of continued life...
Hunger was obviously attempting to grab my attention and derail the plan. I was filling my water bottle from the dispenser and I spied four brand new unopened jars of marinara on the counter that had just arrived from the grocery store. I had a vision of putting down my water, opening a jar of marinara, and drinking it straight! Later I was letting the dogs back in the house after doing their business and since they always get a treat after such spectacular behavior, I walked over to the bone jar to grab a couple bones. As both dogs sat and looked up to me with their beautiful eyes as if I was the source of all joy in their world, I contemplated sampling the bones myself.
And the dreams. On Wednesday night I found myself in a theater watching a movie and began eating a muffin. With my mouth full of muffin, I suddenly realized that I am fasting and what am I doing chewing on a muffin? I jumped out of my theater seat, went over to a garbage can and peeled every last crumb out of my mouth with a finger. On Thursday night I found myself at the Sonic drive-up window. On foot. I remember ordering one of their delicious hamburgers that they make using big square pieces of thick toast rather than buns. I took a big bite out of it and again realized I'm supposed to be fasting. I ran over to the flowerbeds along the edge of the parking area and spit it out. No refund either.
Thursday was Ashlee and Brett's birthday and Juli made a birthday cake for Brett since he is here with us. I worked on my computer in the living room while she mixed it up in the kitchen. I could smell the batter. It smelled amazing. Friday was infusion day and my daughter Stephanie wanted to go to the appointment with me as my support person. She drove up Thursday night with my oldest granddaughter McKinlay. In the morning, they made cinnamon toast. Pure torture. I've not really had hunger pains since Wednesday morning, but that doesn't change all the glorious memories of eating food or the present stimulations of scents.
 |
| Decision made. Here we go... |
One of our major concerns we had was the anti-nausea steroid they give prior to the chemo infusion. According to the studies performed around cancer cells, their reaction to the steroids, and the reduction of the effectiveness of the fast, it was indicated that the steroids should be deleted from the treatment plan. Generally speaking, I have not had a bad experience with chemo and I was not excited about deciding to invite nausea into my experience. While the fasting is supposed to significantly reduce the side effects of chemo, would that include post infusion nausea?
We were given permission by the doctor to delete the steroids if we wished, and we finally decided to do just that. When Stephanie and I arrived at the infusion center I was trying not to waver as I informed the nurse about the plan change. He confirmed the Dr had okayed the change and as one of the most experienced nurses on the floor proceeded to ask me why because he was seriously interested. With only a week of study on the subject in my brain, and that brain being drained of unproductive cells as referred to earlier, I was hoping what I said was coherent. He actually affirmed my understanding of the steroids and was obviously watching me closely during the infusion to see if the lack of steroids was going to change my experience. Was I going to get sick?
 |
| I was cold for the first time. Heated blanket was awesome! |
Well, I didn't. I'm kind of in shock really. They have told me with each infusion that the steroids really only help with the nausea for about twelve hours and then I have three different kinds of nausea medication I can take as needed. I haven't needed more than one pill since the very first and I am happy to say that the twelve hour mark came and went with no nausea! Wow. Maybe there really is something to this fasting and I'm not crazy for trying it.
The fast needs to continue for 24 to 48 hours after the infusion to allow the chemo to finish its course so I will be able to begin eating again tomorrow morning. Less than one more day! Last night Juli made a wonderful pasta and meatball meal with green beans and salad for Brett, McKinlay, Stephanie, and herself. Afterwards they cut up an ice cream birthday cake that she had gotten for Ashlee and Brett. Ashlee and her husband and daughter were supposed to be here for the occasion but sickness stopped them since they are being very careful about exposing me. We were sad they couldn't be here, and I was sad I couldn't eat meatballs and ice cream cake. Instead I made my own dessert. Hot water. I pretended it was coffee, albeit a tad weak. There are only so many ways you can prepare water.
 |
| Waiting patiently to dig into her ice cream cake! |
I don't think I was tempting myself, but it must be said that since scent is such a large part of enjoying food, it wouldn't hurt my fast to smell the food. Oh. My. I buried my face in the meatball pot to breathe in the smell. I'd exhale away from the food and repeat. It was glorious.
Isn't it interesting that practices communicated by divine revelation from God to God-fearing men of ancient history has such incredible health value? They didn't understand that, but they have enjoyed the health benefits of the practice through obedience for thousands of years without being aware of the science. I am thankful today for one more weapon intended to cripple the cancer that even now is plotting revenge.
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